Puns Ville

 The funniest zoo puns collection by Puns Ville A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. “Look in the lion’s mouth,” the vet told him. “How do I do that?” he asked. “Carefully,” replied the vet. Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo? One to get in and one to get out. I was in the zoo last week. Really? Which cage were you in? I took my son to the zoo yesterday. Really, did they accept him? Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said, “Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?” “Yes,” replied Dracula, “have lots of giraffes.” Come on, Fred, I ll take you to the zoo. If the zoo wants me, let them come and get me! Zoo visitor: What’s the new baby hippo’s name? Hippopotamus keeper: I don’t know, he won’t tell me. You don’t see many reindeer in zoos, do you? No. They can’t afford the admission. Zoo Keeper:”I’ve lost one of my elephants” Other Zoo Keeper:”Why don’t you put an advert in the paper?” Zoo Keeper:”Don’t be silly, he can’t read...

Funny pig puns collection Why did the pig go to the casino ? To play the slop machine ! What do you call a pig with three eyes? …A piiig Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop? He called it “Ham Hocks”. Did you hear about the pig who tried to start a hot-air balloon business? He couldn’t get it off the ground. . Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for mother’s day? What did they do? They threw a sowprize party. Did you hear about the pig’s vacation? They had a wonderful time at Yellowstone National Park. They dressed up as bears and raided all the garbage cans. Did you hear about the pigs who took up motorcycling? They wanted to catch bugs with their teeth. What do you call a pig thief? A hamburglar. How do pigs write top secret messages? With invisible oink! What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork What is a pig’s favorite color? Mahogany! What do you get when you cross a frog and a pig? A life...

 From animals puns we bring for you this funny collection of panda puns What goes black, white, black, white, black, white? A panda rolling down a hill. What’s black and white and red all over? A sunburnt panda. Why do pandas have fur coats? Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets. Why do pandas like old movies? Because they’re in black and white. What do chinese bears eat for breakfast? Panda-cakes! What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite expendable organ? The panda-creas! Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo? It was Panda-monium. What do Chinese bears wear around their face when they’re robbing banks? Pandana! How did the panda lose his dinner? He was “Bamboozled”! Why did the panda date a Victoria Secret model? She had really big bamboobs. What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat? This is un- BEAR-able What’s black and white and as hard as a rock? A panda that’s fallen in cement. What’s black and white and goes ro...

Funniest egg puns collection on the Internet. Where’s the best place to get information about eggs? The hen-cyclopedia. How many French eggs do you need? One egg is un oeuf. What did the egg say to the clown? You crack me up. Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road? Because it wanted to lay it on the line. What’s a hen’s favorite shipping company? Federal Egg-spress. Who tells the best egg jokes? Comedi-hens. What does a meditating egg say? Ohmmmmmmmlet. A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head. The bartender asks, ” Why have you got a fried egg on your head?” The man replies, “Because boiled eggs fall off.” How does a hen leave it’s house? Through the eggs-it. What do you call someone who eats too many eggs? An egg-oholic. Knock, knock Who’s there? Omelette. Omelette who? Omelette smarter than I look! What happens if you mix up a computer manual with a cookbook? You get an egg-shell spreadsheet! What does an egg do when he see...

 Funny collection of chemistry puns What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution. How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze. Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium! Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon. Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution! Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything! Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state. How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number. If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed. What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel. Why are chemist...

Funniest birthday puns ever Thank you for your birthday wishes on Facebook. Who are you by the way? You know you are getting old when you start getting birthday cards from your orthopedist. Honey, you really don’t have to do the dishes on your birthday. Do it tomorrow. Your upcoming birthday reminds me of the words of the old Chinese scholar: Yung No Mo What did one candle say to the other? “Don’t birthdays burn you up?” “Were any famous men born on your birthday?” “No, only little babies.” Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday? Because people kept toasting him! What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course! What’s the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday. What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow? A birthday pheasant! How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday? He has a whale of a party! What did one candle say to the other? “Don’t birthdays burn you up?” What was...

Stupid puns are way funny, here is the funniest collection of stupid puns. I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night. I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot. I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious. Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory. Woke up on the ground last night, must have fell asleep. I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time. Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator. I’m taking this shit to a whole new level. Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think. If you’ve been thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, jut duet! Jokes with punch lines can be painfully ...

Within animal puns , we provide you the funniest bundle of fish puns What did the fish say when he posted bail? “I’m off the hook!” Why don’t fish like basketball? Cause they’re afraid of the net Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon! What do you call a fish with a tie? soFISHticated What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark! How do you make an Octopus laugh? With ten-tickles Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut! Why don’t fish play basketball? Because there afraid of the net. What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships. What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals? Autotuna Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales. What is the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish. Why did Sally go to the Lake after her brothers teased her? To fish for compliments. What did the blind man say when he passed the fish ma...

One of the funniest workplace puns; fire puns. Here is the funniest collection of fire puns  A father got blazing mad when he found a fire set by his boy behind their house and said ‘I don’t want arson doing things like that. Did you hear about that circus fire? It was in tents. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents. Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? A thousand soles got burned, some heel did it while he was laced. I’d really be tempted to take these trousers out back and set them on fire, but I’ve never been one for burning my britches. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it. We spent all day debating about housefires. It was quite a heated argument. When a fire broke out in the barber shop it was a close shave but everyone got out by a whisker. With only one piece of wood, I tried to convince the fi...

From animal puns, we bring for you this funniest bundle of cow puns How does a cow get to the mooooon? It flies through udder space! What happens when you talk to a cow? It goes in one ear and out the udder! What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? Laughing stock. What is a cows favorite colour? Maroooooooon. Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer What do you get when you cross an elephant with a dairy cow? Peanut butter. What do u call a really strong cow? Beefy. What do you get when you walk under a cow? A pat on the head. How does lady gaga like her steak? Raw raw raw raw raw. Why did the cow cross the road? Cause it didnt want Lady Gaga to make a meat dress out of him. What are a cows favorite subjects in school? Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers! What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Udder-C...

One of the funniest food puns section, cake puns . Enjoy the art of words playing. What’s up cake? Muffing much! It was an emotional weeding; even the cake was in tiers. Have you been eating cake lately? You look a little crumby. Layer off, mate. You only get out what you pudding. I’m a bit of a flan myself, my friends actually think a bit of a fruit cake to be honest, but I tell them there are hundreds and thousands of us out there, and having others enjoy it is just the frosting on the cake. I just don’t like ‘ecclers…. What jumps from cake to cake and smells of almonds? Tarzipan. … Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake. Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom! When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced. What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me? Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cak...

In our animal puns section, bear puns are considered as the funniest ones. How do you catch a fish without a fishing pole? With your BEAR hands. Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo Why do polar bears like bald men? Because they have a great, white, bear place! What do you call a bears without ears? B’s What is a bear’s favorite drink? Koka-Koala! What do you call a wet bear? A drizzly bear How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul. Why don’t bears like fast food? Because they can’t catch it! Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum. What does pooh eat at parties? blue bear-y pie. What do polar bears have for lunch? Ice burger! Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet? It lives on ice! What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a rose? I don’t know but I sure wouldn’t try to sniff it. What animal hibernates while standing on its he...

The funniest and cutest wedding puns by Puns Ville It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers. Let’s talk about rights and lefts. You’re right so I left Marriage is: Finding the one person to ANNOY for the rest of your life! To some, marriage is a word. To others, a sentence. When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart. Honeymoon: The holiday a man takes before he begins to work for a new boss. When the TV repairman got married , the reception was excellent. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married? Cantelope. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe To many girls think the word ‘marriage’ has a nice ring to it. Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it! Two nuclea...

The funniest and shortest puns for kids , you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register. Puns for Kids Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed! What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon! Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll. What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court! Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie. Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools. The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones. How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you. What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll! No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery. Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken! What musical is about a train conductor? “My Fare, Lady”. A man drowned in a ...

Do you look for some musical puns? Here is the best collection of piano puns . Why did the two pianists have a good marriage. Because they were always in a chord. Old pianists never die, they just adagio away. To climb to the top of a tall piano, you must scale it. Piano is not my forte. Don’t date a piano technician, he will just string you along. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor. What do you call a man with no arms or legs, playing the piano? Clever Dick. Pianist: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so. What do you call an ant who cant play the piano? Discordant Where do the pianists go for vacation? Florida Keys What do you call a laughing piano? A Yama-hahahahaha. What has many keys but unlocks no doors? A Piano. What key is “Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight” written in? C sharp or B flat. What do you call a snowman that plays the piano? Melton John Did you see the sign outside the piano studio? “Gone Chopin....

A great bundle of Internet puns ; enjoy! You despise Microsoft FrontPage as a web editing tool and as extensions to your webserver. You can answer the question ‘is the internet broken’ without laughing. You can spot the theme behind the following list: RedHat, SuSE, Debian, Caldera, Slackware. You can feel the load a server is under without actually checking statistics. It ‘just isn’t running right’ actually makes sense. You maintain more than four websites and do not have time for a personal web page. You know all of the following people by reputation and can explain what they’ve done that is relevant to your world: Steve Case, Linus Torvalds, Eric Allman, Sanford Wallace. You know what TCP/IP stands for, not to mention DNS, HTTP, SNMP, BGP, OSPF, and DUN. You like acronyms. I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it “Bang”. I mean, think about it.. “I BANGED Emma Watson last night.” The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and ...

The funniest hair puns collection. Knock Knock.. Who’s there ! Barber ! Barber who ? Barberd wire ! What side of a monster has more hair ? The outside ! How does a barber make phone calls? He cuts them short. What do you get if you cross a hairdresser and a bucket of cement ? Permanent waves ! What do you get if you cross a wireless with a hairdresser ? Radio waves ! What do you call a policeman with blonde hair ?A fair cop ! What do you call a pen with no hair ? A bald point ! I want a hair cut please. Certainly, which one ! What kind of hair do oceans have? Wavy ! What should you buy if your hair falls out ? A good vacuum cleaner ! Why did the bald man put a rabbit on his head? Because he wanted a head of hare (hair). Why was the lady’s hair angry? Because she was always teasing it. How does the queen bee fix her hair? She uses a honey comb! – Or – Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they have honeycombs Three year old son Scott had thin fly-away hair, s...