Puns Ville

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush! Whats green and smells like bacon?  Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies? Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon. Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu?  Kevin Bacon If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple. Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon. What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life. Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork. What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon. How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you g...

While I dance I can not judge, I can not hate, I can not separate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole. This is why I dance. Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it’s the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. Whats thirty feet long and smells like piss? Line dancing at a nursing home. If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised. Dancers are the messengers of the gods. What dance do hippies hate? A square dance. Where can you dance in California? San Fran-disco Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. If you can’t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you’d best teach it to dance. Which dance will a chicken not do? The foxtrot! Dancing is like bank robbery. It takes split-second timing. I often say that in making dances I can make a world where I think things are done morally, done democratically, done ho...

One of the funniest workplace puns; fire puns. Here is the funniest collection of fire puns  A father got blazing mad when he found a fire set by his boy behind their house and said ‘I don’t want arson doing things like that. Did you hear about that circus fire? It was in tents. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents. Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? A thousand soles got burned, some heel did it while he was laced. I’d really be tempted to take these trousers out back and set them on fire, but I’ve never been one for burning my britches. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it. We spent all day debating about housefires. It was quite a heated argument. When a fire broke out in the barber shop it was a close shave but everyone got out by a whisker. With only one piece of wood, I tried to convince the fi...