Wedding Puns

The funniest and cutest wedding puns by Puns Ville

wedding puns

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

Let’s talk about rights and lefts. You’re right so I left

Marriage is: Finding the one person to ANNOY for the rest of your life!

To some, marriage is a word. To others, a sentence.

When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.

Honeymoon: The holiday a man takes before he begins to work for a new boss.

When the TV repairman got married, the reception was excellent.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married? Cantelope.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe

To many girls think the word ‘marriage’ has a nice ring to it.

Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!

Two nuclear technicians got married. She was radiant and he was glowing.

Two florists got married. It was an arranged marriage.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

Two pianists had a good marriage. They always were in a chord.

When a psychic showed me the girl I’ll marry, it was love at second sight.

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, ‘Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?’ The other replied, ‘Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.’

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, ‘You know, I was a fool when I married you.’ The husband replied, ‘Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.’

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’.  Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.  Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

I married Miss Right.  I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.

Why does the bride always wear white?

Because it’s always good for the dishwasher to match the fridge and stove.

Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.  So I got two girlfriends.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.

A husband said to his wife, ‘No, I don’t hate your relatives.  In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.’

According to the latest surveys, when making love, most married men fantasize that their wives aren’t fantasizing.

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double.  The man thinks for a moment and then says, ‘OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death.’

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two Mother-in-laws.

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

The wife wants to try the missionary position. She’s on top while I’m in Africa.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

Wedding Puns and One-liners by the famous people

  • A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. (Milton Berle)
  • I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (George Burns)
  • I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ‘There’s water in the carburettor’. I said, ‘Where’s the car?’ She said, ‘In the lake’. (Henny Youngman)
  • I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner)
  • Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. (Phyllis Diller)
  • All marriages are mixed marriages. (Chantal Saperstein)
  • There’s only one way to have a happy marriage, and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again. (Clint Eastwood)
  • I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery. (Rita Rudner)
  • Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin)
  • By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy.  If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.  (Socrates)
  • The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. (Henny Youngman)

Enjoyed these wedding puns? Check also:

Cheesy Puns

Food Puns

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