Puns Ville

If puns were meats, this one would be the wurst A sign in the window reads CURED MEATS. Inside, a salami takes his first steps since the accident. A prosciutto learns to forgive. I’m bacon you…please! No more meat puns! OP’s puns meat our expectations today. Not the usual low quality spam. Which of the following doesn’t belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob? The blowjob. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can’t beat a blowjob. If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t` eat meat. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. How many meat eaters does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they would rather stay in the dark about things. What do you call a vegetarian who goes back to eating meat? Someone who lost their veg-inity! Meat-eater: Did you hear about the new study saying vegans are more likely to go blind? I guess it’s because you don’t get the proper nutrition. Are you spaghetti cause I want you to...

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang. I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, “Do you want a lift”. “No thanks”, they replied, “We’re Walkers”. I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all £5 apart from one that was £10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said “that’s maderia cake”. Bought some cream, it said “store in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios. Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing. A man says “I keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says “I’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”. I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles. How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the gar...

What happens after you eat an entire gallon of “All Natural” ice cream? You get Breyer’s remorse! How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon. How do astronauts eat their ice creams? In floats! What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a’la mode. What does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae. Why don’t they make ice cream from breast milk? It’s an udderly bad idea! Where is the best place to get an ice cream? IN A SUNDAY SCHOOL. What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What’s the scoop Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road. Your evil stepdad isn’t “presidential” just because he got you ice cream and told you things would change after beating the shit out of you. In 1973 my dad left to get ice cream and never came back. Mom says he’s probably just lost because he hates stopping to ask for directions. If my house catches fire after I’ve sat down with a bowl of ice cream, I’m ...

Funniest fruit puns bundle so far What’s the fastest vegetable? A runner bean Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because he ran out of juice. Why did the Tomato go out with a prune? Because he couldn’t find a date! What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato whilst on a family walk? Ketchup. What vegetables are a sailors enemy? leeks! Why did the tomato blush? Because he saw the salad dressing…Thank you Tom for this joke When do you know a banana wants to dance? When you see a banana shake! Why do fungi have to pay double bus fares? Because they take up too mushroom. Why do mushrooms get invited to all the vegetable parties? Because they are such fungis (fun guys, get it!) How does a lemon ask for a hug? “Give us a squeeze!” What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? A neck-tarine! How does a ghost eat an apple? By goblin it! What is a ghost’s favorite fruit? Boo-berries Apple When is an apple a grouch? When it’s a crab apple! What do ...

One of the funniest food puns section, cake puns . Enjoy the art of words playing. What’s up cake? Muffing much! It was an emotional weeding; even the cake was in tiers. Have you been eating cake lately? You look a little crumby. Layer off, mate. You only get out what you pudding. I’m a bit of a flan myself, my friends actually think a bit of a fruit cake to be honest, but I tell them there are hundreds and thousands of us out there, and having others enjoy it is just the frosting on the cake. I just don’t like ‘ecclers…. What jumps from cake to cake and smells of almonds? Tarzipan. … Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake. Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom! When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced. What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me? Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cak...

The best pizza puns collection ever, by Puns Ville What did the parmesan say when it broke up with mozzarella? Sorry, but I am just too mature for you. What does an anteater like on its pizza? Ant-chovies! What type of person doesn’t love pizza? A weirDOUGH! What did the pizza ask its toppings? Are we feta off alone?! What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date? I never SAUsage a beautiful face “Waiter, will my pizza be long?” “No sir, it will be round!” What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common? They can smell it but they cant eat it! What is a dog’s favorite pizza? PUParonni! What did the pepperoni say to the cook? You wanna pizza me? When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After they have a very frank relationship! Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it’s too cheesy. How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste. What does an aardvark like on its pizza? Ant-chovies. How do you get the Arizona State grad off your fron...

The funniest cheese puns ever. What music does cheese listen to? R & Brie. How did the cheese paint his wife? He double Gloucester. Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese. Why did the cheese lose a fight with a stone? Because the Roquefort back. When can’t you see a cheese? When it’s pasteurised.. When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds. Why does cheese look sane? Because everything else on the plate is crackers. What does cheese say to itself in the mirror? Looking Gouda… What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East? Cheeses of Nazareth. Why did the Greek woman stop eating cheese? Because she was getting Feta and Feta. Why did the clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn’t get his Stilton. I don’t know what to do with this pungent Dutch cheese but if I had to go out on a limb burger. Would a smoked cheese grow on a tree? No, but an applewood. What would be a Cornish pirate’s favourite c...

Best and funniest breakfast puns , collected by puns ville. Why do the Arkansas Razorbacks eat cereal straight from the box? They choke whenever they get near a bowl. What is a cheerleader’s favourite cereal? Cheerios Why does a Northwestern Wildcats fan pour his cereal on a plate? He lost his bowls. What do you call a person who opens 3 different boxes of cereal at once? A cereal adulterer. How does Salvador Dali start his mornings? With a bowl of “Surreal” What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies. How did Reese eat her cereal? Witherspoon. How many vampires are in this room? I dont know, I can’t Count Choculas. Warning! Count Chocula is on the loose! Looks like we have a cereal killer on our hands. Did you hear about Tony The Tiger’s murder? Police suspect a cereal killer. Why doesn’t Jay-Z eat Raisin Bran? Cause He’s got 99 problems but fiber ain’t one. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes. What do you call a person that chops up cereal....

Funniest collection about food puns Marie Antoinette said that feeding the peasants was a piece of cake. Most airline food is pretty bad, but their haggis is just plane offal. Mothers everywhere want their children to give peas a chance. My attempt at starting a street market turned out to be fruitile. My dog was mustard-colored. That made him a Gulden Retriever. My famous bacon soup recipe began as an add hock meal. My job as head chef at a top rated restaurant is in jeopardy because my latest culinary creation was called a recipe for disaster. My wife uses a kitchen implement to shred garlic and parmesan cheese, which I hate. It really is the grater of two evils. Never build model people close to the ocean. You might lose your sand dolls in the waves. Never eat popcorn shrimp. There’s something fishy about them. No one wanted to see the naked banana. On December 7th I took a lady to dinner. I did not have a good time. It was a date that will live in infamy forever. One e...