Puns Ville

Do you wanna join me for a yoga class? Namaste here. (No I must stay here). What do you get when you combine Starbucks and a yoga class? I don’t know, but there’s probably a hipster close by. Why didn’t the yogi vacuum in the corner? Because he has no attachments. What does a dyslexic cow say? Ommmmmmmmmm. What did the yogi put on the sign outside his studio? Inquire Within. What was the woman angry after her yoga class? She was bent out of shape. What did the yogi say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything. What kind of yoga do you do in a casket? Decom-pose. What’s the most romantic kind of yoga position a man can do? Pro-pose. Did you see the romantic comedy with Meg Ryan as a yogini? It’s called “Yoga mail”. What did the yogi tell the vacuum salesman? Too many attachments. What kind of animal does yoga? A Shangri-llama. What do you call women doing yoga in see through Lululemon pants? Over-ex-posers. Where do fish go to do yoga? The river bend....

Who shaves 10 times a day and still has a beard? The barber. What do you call a man without a beard? A woman. How can you tell if a man with a beard is gay or straight? The smell. Why don’t men with beards need vacuums? They already have crumb catchers. What do you call a goat with a beard? Goatee. What’s the worst part of having a beard? Being confused as a hipster. How did the barber win the race? He took a short cut. What kind of facial hair helps you fake your own death? Star-burns. What do you call a bald drug dealer with facial hair? Heisenberg. Don’t point that beard at me, it might go off Do you think shaving cream really softens your beard… or is it just so you don’t lose your place? OK, so “I mustache you a question” I won’t be shaving this November in order to raise awareness for how lazy I am. When is your Movember mustache too long? When comments turn from, “Hey! I really like your mustache!” into, “Hey! I…whoa, now that’s a mustache!” She s...

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever. I wish I was one of ur tears, so I could be born in your eyes, run down your cheek, and die on your lips. Can you give me directions to your heart? I’ve seemed to have lost myself in your eyes. It’s not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me. God gave us two ears, two eyes, two legs and two hands, but he only gave us one heart, and he wanted me to find you and tell you, you are the second one This morning I saw a flower and I thought it was the most beautiful thing i have ever seen; until I met you.. Was your father a thief? ‘Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes. I thought happiness started with an H. Why does mine start with U? What time do you have to be back in heaven? there are many fish in the sea but you’re the only one that’s caught my eye Everything about you is perfect except one thing, you aren’t married to me. ...

 From animals puns we bring for you this funny collection of panda puns What goes black, white, black, white, black, white? A panda rolling down a hill. What’s black and white and red all over? A sunburnt panda. Why do pandas have fur coats? Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets. Why do pandas like old movies? Because they’re in black and white. What do chinese bears eat for breakfast? Panda-cakes! What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite expendable organ? The panda-creas! Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo? It was Panda-monium. What do Chinese bears wear around their face when they’re robbing banks? Pandana! How did the panda lose his dinner? He was “Bamboozled”! Why did the panda date a Victoria Secret model? She had really big bamboobs. What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat? This is un- BEAR-able What’s black and white and as hard as a rock? A panda that’s fallen in cement. What’s black and white and goes ro...

 Funny collection of chemistry puns What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution. How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze. Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium! Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon. Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution! Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything! Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state. How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number. If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed. What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel. Why are chemist...

Funniest birthday puns ever Thank you for your birthday wishes on Facebook. Who are you by the way? You know you are getting old when you start getting birthday cards from your orthopedist. Honey, you really don’t have to do the dishes on your birthday. Do it tomorrow. Your upcoming birthday reminds me of the words of the old Chinese scholar: Yung No Mo What did one candle say to the other? “Don’t birthdays burn you up?” “Were any famous men born on your birthday?” “No, only little babies.” Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday? Because people kept toasting him! What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course! What’s the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday. What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow? A birthday pheasant! How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday? He has a whale of a party! What did one candle say to the other? “Don’t birthdays burn you up?” What was...

Within animal puns , we provide you the funniest bundle of fish puns What did the fish say when he posted bail? “I’m off the hook!” Why don’t fish like basketball? Cause they’re afraid of the net Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon! What do you call a fish with a tie? soFISHticated What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark! How do you make an Octopus laugh? With ten-tickles Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut! Why don’t fish play basketball? Because there afraid of the net. What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships. What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals? Autotuna Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales. What is the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish. Why did Sally go to the Lake after her brothers teased her? To fish for compliments. What did the blind man say when he passed the fish ma...

One of the funniest workplace puns; fire puns. Here is the funniest collection of fire puns  A father got blazing mad when he found a fire set by his boy behind their house and said ‘I don’t want arson doing things like that. Did you hear about that circus fire? It was in tents. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents. Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? A thousand soles got burned, some heel did it while he was laced. I’d really be tempted to take these trousers out back and set them on fire, but I’ve never been one for burning my britches. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it. We spent all day debating about housefires. It was quite a heated argument. When a fire broke out in the barber shop it was a close shave but everyone got out by a whisker. With only one piece of wood, I tried to convince the fi...

From animal puns, we bring for you this funniest bundle of cow puns How does a cow get to the mooooon? It flies through udder space! What happens when you talk to a cow? It goes in one ear and out the udder! What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? Laughing stock. What is a cows favorite colour? Maroooooooon. Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer What do you get when you cross an elephant with a dairy cow? Peanut butter. What do u call a really strong cow? Beefy. What do you get when you walk under a cow? A pat on the head. How does lady gaga like her steak? Raw raw raw raw raw. Why did the cow cross the road? Cause it didnt want Lady Gaga to make a meat dress out of him. What are a cows favorite subjects in school? Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers! What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Udder-C...

A great bundle of Internet puns ; enjoy! You despise Microsoft FrontPage as a web editing tool and as extensions to your webserver. You can answer the question ‘is the internet broken’ without laughing. You can spot the theme behind the following list: RedHat, SuSE, Debian, Caldera, Slackware. You can feel the load a server is under without actually checking statistics. It ‘just isn’t running right’ actually makes sense. You maintain more than four websites and do not have time for a personal web page. You know all of the following people by reputation and can explain what they’ve done that is relevant to your world: Steve Case, Linus Torvalds, Eric Allman, Sanford Wallace. You know what TCP/IP stands for, not to mention DNS, HTTP, SNMP, BGP, OSPF, and DUN. You like acronyms. I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it “Bang”. I mean, think about it.. “I BANGED Emma Watson last night.” The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and ...

The funniest hair puns collection. Knock Knock.. Who’s there ! Barber ! Barber who ? Barberd wire ! What side of a monster has more hair ? The outside ! How does a barber make phone calls? He cuts them short. What do you get if you cross a hairdresser and a bucket of cement ? Permanent waves ! What do you get if you cross a wireless with a hairdresser ? Radio waves ! What do you call a policeman with blonde hair ?A fair cop ! What do you call a pen with no hair ? A bald point ! I want a hair cut please. Certainly, which one ! What kind of hair do oceans have? Wavy ! What should you buy if your hair falls out ? A good vacuum cleaner ! Why did the bald man put a rabbit on his head? Because he wanted a head of hare (hair). Why was the lady’s hair angry? Because she was always teasing it. How does the queen bee fix her hair? She uses a honey comb! – Or – Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they have honeycombs Three year old son Scott had thin fly-away hair, s...

The best and funniest skeleton puns on Puns Ville . How do skeletons get their mail ? By bony express ! Why don’t skeletons play music in church ? They have no organs ! What kind of plate does a skeleton eat off ? Bone china ! Why do skeletons hate winter ? Because the wind just goes straight through them ! What’s a skeleton’s favourite pop group ? Boney M ! What do you do if you see a skeleton running across a road ? Jump out of your skin and join him ! What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle ? I’m bone to be wild! Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party ? He had no body to dance with. What do you give a skeleton for valentine’s day? Bone-bones in a heart shaped box. Who was the most famous skeleton detective? Sherlock Bones. Who was the most famous French skeleton? Napoleon bone-apart What instrument do skeletons play ? Trom-BONE. What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant ? Spare ribs !!! What do you call a skeleto...

The biggest and funniest collection of ice puns , enjoy! What sits on the bottom of the cold Arctic Ocean and shakes? A nervous wreck. What did the Eagle say when he was cold ? Birrrrrd. How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed? You wake up wet! Did you hear about the boy who turned up to school with only 1 glove ? He said the weather man said it’s going to be cold but on the other hand it might be warm Why do seals swim in salt water? Because pepper water makes them sneeze! Where can you find an ocean without any water? On a map! What eight letters can you find in water from the Arctic Ocean? H to O! (H20) Which side of an Arctic Tern has the most feathers? The outside! What do you call a cold ghost? casp-burr! What vegetable was forbidden on the ships of Arctic explorers? Leeks! What did Amaruq say after building an igloo out of crystal clear ice? “Living in a transparent igloo has its disadvantages – but you should see the murres smack it!” Why didn...

TOP 74 funniest math puns on the entire Internet: 1- Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle? They were right for each other   2-  Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging? Because X was always 10   3-  What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi   4-  Why couldn’t the angle get a loan? His parents wouldn’t Cosine   5-  Why is beer never served at a math party? Because you can’t drink and derive.   6-  Why didn’t the number 4 get into the nightclub? Because he is 2 square   7-  Why was the math book sad? Because it had so many problems.   8-  What is a bird’s favorite type of math? Owl-gebra   9-  What is a French mathematician’s favorite pick up line? “Voulez vous Cauchy avec moi?”   10- Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach? Because it was over 90 degrees   11-  Why do pla...

Funniest collection about food puns Marie Antoinette said that feeding the peasants was a piece of cake. Most airline food is pretty bad, but their haggis is just plane offal. Mothers everywhere want their children to give peas a chance. My attempt at starting a street market turned out to be fruitile. My dog was mustard-colored. That made him a Gulden Retriever. My famous bacon soup recipe began as an add hock meal. My job as head chef at a top rated restaurant is in jeopardy because my latest culinary creation was called a recipe for disaster. My wife uses a kitchen implement to shred garlic and parmesan cheese, which I hate. It really is the grater of two evils. Never build model people close to the ocean. You might lose your sand dolls in the waves. Never eat popcorn shrimp. There’s something fishy about them. No one wanted to see the naked banana. On December 7th I took a lady to dinner. I did not have a good time. It was a date that will live in infamy forever. One e...