Toe Puns

When the foot doctor was stranded on the side of the highway, he has to call a toe truck driver to help.

The general lost the war because he was too busy counting the feet of all the soldiers. His really was a toe-tally tarrying regime.

My friend stubs his toe.. Me: “I’ll call a toe truck.

My toes are poets and they know it. They’re Longfellows.

I would help but my puns toe-tally suck.

On a different topic my food is toe-riffic.

Welp I think I am just toe-ing you around now so I will make my way out.

Ladies, if a guy ever tells you he wants to cover you from head to toe in honey and lick it off inch by inch, that’s a man who’s never done it before.

I don’t think we should call it ‘camel toe. I think we should call it ‘the-only-reason-I-go-to-yoga-toe.’

How do you make a woman’s toes curl?  Shag her with her pantyhose on.

Why do blondes need “TGIF” written on their shoes?  To remind them that Toes Go In First.

Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? She didn’t want to wake up the sleeping pills.

How would you feel about a toe poke? Goooaaalll!

Q: What do the toes say when they meet? A: There is a fungus among us.

Yo’ Mama is so poor, she bit off your daddy’s toe ’cause she saw a corn on it.

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe? Roberto.

Why isn’t your nose 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot

Why couldn’t the two feet get along?  Because they both thought they were right.

What do you call a dinosaur that has a sore foot? An Ankle-oh-sore-is (Ankylosaurus)

What is the last thing you take off before you go to bed? Your feet off the floor.

What has four legs but no feet? A table

What do you call a dinosaur with stinky feet? ex-stinked (extinct)

What has 50 legs but can’t walk?  25 pairs of pants

Why did the silly kid put T.G.I.F. on his shoes?  Toes Go In First

What lies on the ground, 100 feet up in the air?  A centipede lying on it’s back

What would you get if you crossed a centipede with a parrot? A walkie-talkie

Who always goes to bed with his shoes on? A horse

How did the bubblegum cross the road? It was stuck to the bottom of the chicken’s foot.

What is the fastest way to go to the moon? Tickle the bottom of an elephant’s foot!

Why don’t centipedes play football? By the time they get their shoes on, the game is over.

What type of hat does a leg wear? A knee cap.

Why did they call the new dance “The Elevator”?  It has no steps.

How do you trip the light fantastic? Stick out your foot

What did one knee bone say to the other knee bone? “Let’s get out of this joint.”

What did one shoe say to the other shoe? I’ll run ahead and see what’s underfoot.

What kind of shoes do lazy people wear? Loafers

What did the horsefly say to the blacksmith? Shoe me

 

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