Silly Puns

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

What’s the definition of a will? (Come on, it’s a dead giveaway!)

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

Who ever invented the “Knock-Knock jokes” should get a No-bell prize

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type O.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

At the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, “Are you two an item?”

Where did the king put his armies? In his sleevies.

I changed my iPhone’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

A tattoo artist has designs on his clients.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

What you seize is what you get.

I used to be a doctor, but then I lost patients.

Past, Present and Future walked into a Bar. It was tense.

What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Udder destruction.

Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

Where do you find chili beans? At the North Pole.

At the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, “Are you two an item?”
They told me I had type A blood , but it was a Type- O.
 A dyslexic man walks into a bra .
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory . I hope there’s no pop quiz.
Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? Because it’s two tired.

What is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog? The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.

Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.
Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?
Did you hear about the man who ran through a screen door? He strained himself.

Why do ambassadors never get sick? Diplomatic immunity.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn’t matter none of them work.

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

 

The post Silly Puns appeared first on Puns Ville.



from Puns Ville http://ift.tt/2rn49QA

Commentaires

Enregistrer un commentaire

Posts les plus consultés de ce blog

Piano Puns

Image
Do you look for some musical puns? Here is the best collection of piano puns . Why did the two pianists have a good marriage. Because they were always in a chord. Old pianists never die, they just adagio away. To climb to the top of a tall piano, you must scale it. Piano is not my forte. Don’t date a piano technician, he will just string you along. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor. What do you call a man with no arms or legs, playing the piano? Clever Dick. Pianist: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so. What do you call an ant who cant play the piano? Discordant Where do the pianists go for vacation? Florida Keys What do you call a laughing piano? A Yama-hahahahaha. What has many keys but unlocks no doors? A Piano. What key is “Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight” written in? C sharp or B flat. What do you call a snowman that plays the piano? Melton John Did you see the sign outside the piano studio? “Gone Chopin.
Lire la suite

Name Puns

Knock Knock Who’s there? Abby! Abby who? “Abby birthday to you!” “Abbey stung me on the arm.” We few, we Abby few, we band of brothers Knock Knock Who’s there? Adolph! Adolph who? Adolph ball hit me in the mouth! ABDUL: Abdul. What a ghoul. Smells like drool. Abdul. Knock Knock Who’s there? Ahmed! Ahmed who? Ahmedeus Motzart! ZACK: A variant of the biblical Zechariah, who has an even stupider name. Knock Knock Who’s there? Aida! Aida who? Aida lot of sweets and now I’ve got tummy ache! WILSON: Do you know what creepy neighbors and volleyballs with blood on them have in common? Your stupid name Knock Knock Who’s there? Al! Al who? Al give you a kiss if you open this door! WILSON: Do you know what creepy neighbors and volleyballs with blood on them have in common? Your stupid name. Knock Knock Who’s there? Aladdin! Aladdin who? Aladdin the street wants a word with you! WAYNE: Wayne, the most popular stupid name because of the pop icon Bruce — I mean, Wayne Brady K
Lire la suite

Pig Puns

Image
Funny pig puns collection Why did the pig go to the casino ? To play the slop machine ! What do you call a pig with three eyes? …A piiig Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop? He called it “Ham Hocks”. Did you hear about the pig who tried to start a hot-air balloon business? He couldn’t get it off the ground. . Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for mother’s day? What did they do? They threw a sowprize party. Did you hear about the pig’s vacation? They had a wonderful time at Yellowstone National Park. They dressed up as bears and raided all the garbage cans. Did you hear about the pigs who took up motorcycling? They wanted to catch bugs with their teeth. What do you call a pig thief? A hamburglar. How do pigs write top secret messages? With invisible oink! What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork What is a pig’s favorite color? Mahogany! What do you get when you cross a frog and a pig? A life
Lire la suite