Russian Puns

How does every Russian joke start? By looking over your shoulder.

Whats the difference between a smart Russian and a unicorn?  Nothing, they’re both fictional characters

What’s meant by an exchange opinions in the Communist party of the Soviet Union?  It’s when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion, and I leave with the party’s.

What do you call a Russian with Tourette’s Syndrome?  Yukanol Fukov.

What is 150 yards long and eats potatoes?  A Moscow queue waiting to buy meat.

What occupies the last 6 pages of the Lada User’s Manual?  The bus and train timetables.

What is Communism?  The Poles say it’s the longest and most painful of the roads to capitalism.

What do you call a gassy russian? Vladimir Tootin

What is the fastest country in the world? A: Russia

What do you call a Lada on a hill?  A bloody miracle.

What did Wendi Murdoch say to Vladimir Putin?  Put-it-in!

What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles?  Electricity.

Did you hear about the winner of the Russian beauty contest? Me neither.

When was the first Russian election held?  The time that God set Eve in front of Adam and said, “Go ahead, choose your wife.”

Russia really Putin a lot of work for the Winter Olympics

I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.

America: Hey Ivan.. Russia: da.. America: what do you call a gassy Russian.. Russia: hoe don’t-.. America: Vladimir Tootin.. Russia: !   America: !!.. Russia: fuck you.

Me: Netflix and chill more like NYET-flix and chill.. Closetcellist: *in a russian accent* NO FILMS. ONLY CHILL.

So you want to tell me… Hilbert was Russian to the loud noise?

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is the difference between Russian and English fairy tales?” We’re answering: “The English fairy tale start with ‘Once upon a time…’, and ours with ‘It will be soon…

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why some people say that Hungarians love the Russians and hate the Americans?” We’re answering: “Because Russians helped Hungarians to get rid of one totalitarian rule, but Americans don’t help to get rid of the other.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why Lenin wore regular shoes, but Stalin wore boots?” We’re answering: “At Lenin’s time, Russia was still only ankle-high in shit.”

In Russia a man is called reactionary if he objects to having his property stolen and his wife and children murdered.

We have no gay people in Russia; there are homosexuals but they are not allowed to be gay about it.

In Russia we only had two TV channels: Channel One was propaganda, Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: “Turn back at once to Channel One.”

Russia’s Economic Woes Outweigh The Universe.

We have no gay people in Russia; there are homosexuals but they are not allowed to be gay about it.

I enjoy being in America: it’s fun, you know, because you have, you have so many things we never had in Russia — like warning shots.

The post Russian Puns appeared first on Puns Ville.



from Puns Ville http://ift.tt/2qoCWjb

Commentaires

Enregistrer un commentaire

Posts les plus consultés de ce blog

Piano Puns

Image
Do you look for some musical puns? Here is the best collection of piano puns . Why did the two pianists have a good marriage. Because they were always in a chord. Old pianists never die, they just adagio away. To climb to the top of a tall piano, you must scale it. Piano is not my forte. Don’t date a piano technician, he will just string you along. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor. What do you call a man with no arms or legs, playing the piano? Clever Dick. Pianist: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so. What do you call an ant who cant play the piano? Discordant Where do the pianists go for vacation? Florida Keys What do you call a laughing piano? A Yama-hahahahaha. What has many keys but unlocks no doors? A Piano. What key is “Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight” written in? C sharp or B flat. What do you call a snowman that plays the piano? Melton John Did you see the sign outside the piano studio? “Gone Chopin....
Lire la suite

Cow Puns

Image
From animal puns, we bring for you this funniest bundle of cow puns How does a cow get to the mooooon? It flies through udder space! What happens when you talk to a cow? It goes in one ear and out the udder! What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? Laughing stock. What is a cows favorite colour? Maroooooooon. Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer What do you get when you cross an elephant with a dairy cow? Peanut butter. What do u call a really strong cow? Beefy. What do you get when you walk under a cow? A pat on the head. How does lady gaga like her steak? Raw raw raw raw raw. Why did the cow cross the road? Cause it didnt want Lady Gaga to make a meat dress out of him. What are a cows favorite subjects in school? Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers! What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Udder-C...
Lire la suite

Poop Puns

What do you call Clark Kent with diarrhea? Poop-erman. Don’t call me a party animal then get upset that I pooped on your carpet. Ghost Poop: You feel the poop come out, but there is no poop in the toilet. Do you want to hear a poop joke? Never mind it’s too corny. Did you hear about the sequel, Diarrhea? It leaked so they had to release it early. Clean Poop: You poop, it’s in the toilet, but there’s nothing on the toilet paper. I was going to tell you a poop joke but it’s really crappy. Second Wave Poop: You’re done pooping and you’ve pulled your pants up to your knees, but something tells you you’re not done. Brain Haemorrhage Poop: (Also known as “Pop a vein in your forehead” poop) The kind where you Did you hear about the movie Constipation? It never came out. strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke. Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He just couldn’t budget. Gassy Poop: Everyone within earshot is giggling. Have you seen ...
Lire la suite