Beard Puns

Who shaves 10 times a day and still has a beard? The barber.

What do you call a man without a beard? A woman.

How can you tell if a man with a beard is gay or straight? The smell.

Why don’t men with beards need vacuums? They already have crumb catchers.

What do you call a goat with a beard? Goatee.

What’s the worst part of having a beard? Being confused as a hipster.

How did the barber win the race? He took a short cut.

What kind of facial hair helps you fake your own death? Star-burns.

What do you call a bald drug dealer with facial hair? Heisenberg.

Don’t point that beard at me, it might go off

Do you think shaving cream really softens your beard… or is it just so you don’t lose your place?

OK, so “I mustache you a question”

I won’t be shaving this November in order to raise awareness for how lazy I am.

When is your Movember mustache too long? When comments turn from, “Hey! I really like your mustache!” into, “Hey! I…whoa, now that’s a mustache!”

She says I don’t listen when she compliments my Movember mustache…or something like that.

A good Movember mustache can make you feel sexy, strong, and like you can take on the world, and sexy…Oh, sorry…that’s wine…wine does that.

People keep asking me if I’m gonna shave once Movember is over, but I’ve started to like my beard…I GUESS YOU COULD SAY IT’S GROWN ON ME.

December 1st: when your mustache goes from saying “I’m a charitable, socially minded philanthropist” to “maybe this isn’t the playground to bring your kids to”.

On being complemented for a beard someone might say: “Thank you, I was a bit unsure at first but it has definitely grown on me.”

To be the man, you must beard the man.

Remember: unlike other parts of you, the beard can be as long as you like.

Never bring a moustache to a beard fight.

Not everyone can be bearded.. Someone has to stand on the side and clap as men with beards go by.

Anyone who says your beard makes you look homeless is not the kind of person you want in your home or cardboard box anyway.

I totally understand. A beard would not complement the feminine look you are going for. Keep shaving.

In the presence of a woman, a gentleman removes his hat. In the presence of a beard, a woman often removes her

clothes.

When I was twelve my father taught me how to be a man. He took me to the bathroom, picked up a razor and ate it.

A man does not grow a beard. A beard grows a man.

Beards. Pretty much the only thing guys are comfortable complementing each other on.

What do you call a bald meth cooker with facial hair? Heisenberg.

Who shaves 10 times a day and still has a beard? The barber.

You call it a beard. I call it magnificence escaping through my face.

If you have a beard but can’t change a tire, please shave.

Isn’t your beard annoying in the summer? No, manliness is not seasonal.

Does shaving cream really soften a beard, or is it just so you know where to shave next?

Saying you have a beard when you don’t makes you a bald-faced liar.

It’s good to have beardless friends. When you go out, everyone assumes you’re their leader.

 

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