Baby Puns

How does a baby get food when it’s hungry? Womb service.

Life ain’t fair for a baby.

No matter what you colic, a baby crying for hours is a pain!

The failure of the third largest manufacturer of baby’s toys was enough to rattle the entire industry.

What did the chimpanzee say when his sister had a baby? Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.

What did the mama tire and the papa tire name their baby girl tire? Michelle Lynn.

What did the papa buffalo say the baby buffalo before he went to work? BISON!

What do you call a baby monkey? A chimp off the old block

When the baby bird penned his first novel he was just a fledgling author.

Why couldn’t the melons have a baby? Because they cantelope.

Why shouldn’t you put a baby’s dirty diapers in the laundry bin? You wouldn’t want to hamper his movements!

How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender.

How do you get them out again? With Doritos.

What is funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? Nail it’s other hand to the floor

What is the difference between a baby and a onion? No one cries when you chop up the baby.

How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.

How do you make a dead baby float? A glass of soda water and 2 scoops of baby.

What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall? Art.

What bounces up and down at 100mph?A baby tied to the back of a truck.

What is red and hangs around trees? A baby hit by a snow blower.

What is green and hangs around trees? Same baby 3 weeks later.

What is brown and gurgles? A baby in a casserole.

What do vegetarian ogres eat? Cabbage patch kids.

What do you call a baby on a stick? A Kebabie.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Fucked.

What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!

What do you get if you cross a baby with soldiers ? Infantry !

What do you get if you cross a mountain and a baby? A cry for Alp !

How does a baby ghost cry? “Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!”

Why does a mother carry her baby? The baby can’t carry the mother.

I got a letter from my sister. She just had a baby. But she didn’t say whether it’s a boy or girl. So I don’t know if I’m an uncle or an aunt.

Why do we dress baby girls in pink and baby boys in blue? Because they can’t dress themselves.

Where does a white baby go when it dies?  Heaven

What does it get? Wings

What does it become?  An angel

Where does a black baby go when it dies? Heaven

What does it get? Wings

 

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