Airplane Puns

The airlines have become so cash-strapped, they charged me for my emotional baggage.

What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane? A Boeing Constrictor.

When asked by a passenger how high he would get, the pilot replied,’I don’t do drugs.’

If you get sick at the airport it could be a terminal illness.

During his air test a young pilot flew through a rainbow. He passed with flying colors.

Did you hear about the pilot who always had work? He was great at landing a job.

Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience.

The debate about unmanned aircraft strikes just keeps droning on.

The plane flight brought my acrophobia to new heights.

I’ve heard that the airplane industry is really taking off and reaching new heights.

Whats the difference between a jet engine and a flight attendant?  At the end of the flight the jet engine stops whining

What’s the difference between a fighter pilot and God?  God doesn’t think He’s a fighter pilot.

What’s the difference between a pilot and a pepperoni pizza?  A pepperoni pizza can feed a family of four.

If you masterbate on a plane do they charge you with “hi-jacking”?

What do you call a space pilot who lives dangerously?  Han YOLO

What do you call when you’re sick of being in the airport?  Terminal illness.

Why do 747s have humps?  So the pilot can sit on his wallet.

What do you get when you cross an airplane with a magician?  a flying sorcerer.

Wanna know how to make a small fortune running a charter airline?  Start out with a large one.

What do you call a black pilot?  a pilot, you racist.

What do you call a pregnant flight attendant?  Pilot error.

What seperates three whores form two alcoholics?  The cockpit door!

What do you call a plane that’s about to crash?  An “Error Plane”

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it’s probably a helicopter — and therefore, unsafe.

Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to pee.

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: “Why is it doing that?”, “Where are we?” and “Oh S#!+!”

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

Airspeed, altitude, and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.

 

The post Airplane Puns appeared first on Puns Ville.



from Puns Ville http://ift.tt/2rdyxxO

Commentaires

Enregistrer un commentaire

Posts les plus consultés de ce blog

Piano Puns

Image
Do you look for some musical puns? Here is the best collection of piano puns . Why did the two pianists have a good marriage. Because they were always in a chord. Old pianists never die, they just adagio away. To climb to the top of a tall piano, you must scale it. Piano is not my forte. Don’t date a piano technician, he will just string you along. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor. What do you call a man with no arms or legs, playing the piano? Clever Dick. Pianist: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so. What do you call an ant who cant play the piano? Discordant Where do the pianists go for vacation? Florida Keys What do you call a laughing piano? A Yama-hahahahaha. What has many keys but unlocks no doors? A Piano. What key is “Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight” written in? C sharp or B flat. What do you call a snowman that plays the piano? Melton John Did you see the sign outside the piano studio? “Gone Chopin....
Lire la suite

Cow Puns

Image
From animal puns, we bring for you this funniest bundle of cow puns How does a cow get to the mooooon? It flies through udder space! What happens when you talk to a cow? It goes in one ear and out the udder! What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? Laughing stock. What is a cows favorite colour? Maroooooooon. Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer What do you get when you cross an elephant with a dairy cow? Peanut butter. What do u call a really strong cow? Beefy. What do you get when you walk under a cow? A pat on the head. How does lady gaga like her steak? Raw raw raw raw raw. Why did the cow cross the road? Cause it didnt want Lady Gaga to make a meat dress out of him. What are a cows favorite subjects in school? Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers! What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Udder-C...
Lire la suite

Poop Puns

What do you call Clark Kent with diarrhea? Poop-erman. Don’t call me a party animal then get upset that I pooped on your carpet. Ghost Poop: You feel the poop come out, but there is no poop in the toilet. Do you want to hear a poop joke? Never mind it’s too corny. Did you hear about the sequel, Diarrhea? It leaked so they had to release it early. Clean Poop: You poop, it’s in the toilet, but there’s nothing on the toilet paper. I was going to tell you a poop joke but it’s really crappy. Second Wave Poop: You’re done pooping and you’ve pulled your pants up to your knees, but something tells you you’re not done. Brain Haemorrhage Poop: (Also known as “Pop a vein in your forehead” poop) The kind where you Did you hear about the movie Constipation? It never came out. strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke. Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He just couldn’t budget. Gassy Poop: Everyone within earshot is giggling. Have you seen ...
Lire la suite