Best Puns

Here is the best puns ever

1- What did the bra say to the hat? You go on ahead while I give these two a lift!
2- We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history.
3- Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his food before it was cool.
4- What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no
ordinary blow job!
5- Police Officer: “How high are you?” Stoner: “No officer, it’s “Hi, How are you?”
6- I love Pandas, they’re so chill. They’re like “Dude, racism is stupid. I’m White, Black,
and Asian…..”
7- Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
8- I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn’t matter none of them work.
9- I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
10- What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the
Galaxy.
11- I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
12- A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan
play at that game.
13- I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a shit in days.
14- When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
15- I hate insects’ puns, they really bug me.
16- Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.
17- Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.
18- I’m taking part in a stair climbing competition. Guess I better step up my game.
19- I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
20- Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.
21- I am so poor I can’t even pay attention.
22- My English teacher recently recovered from a bowel cancer operation… and he
tried to show me a semi colon.
23- My Jamaican Nan wants to know why I love chocolate spread so much, but mi
Nutella.
24- What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the
other is a little lighter.
25- I’ve got a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn’t fit it into my set.
26- My little brother is so obsessed with 80s computers. I reckon he’s autistic…or at
least somewhere on the spectrum.
27- I saw a sports car being driven by a scantily clad sheep. It was a lamb bikini.
28- I bought an impressionist painting of some flowers, but when I got back home the
cat scratched it. Now I’m trying to sell it as a Clawed Monet.
29- I sent a food parcel to my former wife. Fed Ex.
30- David Bowie’s favourite chocolate? Revel Revel.
31- Life is like a box of chocolates. Made of leather and zipped around your head. Or
so says Forrest Gimp.
32- What wrestler steals your pants? The Undie Taker.
33- There’s a video game for people who really love the former Indian leader. Ghandi
Crush Saga.
34- I know a baker who uses a gardening tool, he’s raking in the dough.
35- I bought my girlfriend some Slinky underwear, now she keeps falling down the
stairs.
36- I Photoshopped a terrorist with a black and white comedy star, I call them Laurel
and Ji-Hardy.
37- The late soul singer Marvin Gaye used to keep a sheep in his vineyard. He herd it
through the grapevine.
38- Prince Charles likes to take his iPad with him when he goes to the toilet, because
he takes his Air to the throne.
39- The Queen is really angry that her chair is made of Jelly. She’s throne a wobbly.
40- If a pigeon was a rebel, what would it do? It would start a coo.
41- If a cow could be any other animal, what would it be? A mooooose.
42- What did the two deer do when they fell in love? They started to fawn over one
another.
43- What does a bed do when making a shady contract or deal? It uses blanket terms.
44- Why didn’t the bike go to work? It was two-tired.
45- What is a turtle’s favorite kind of pasta? Turtlellini.
46- Why was the computer dating the keyboard? He had a certain type.
47- How did the pair of glasses plead not guilty? He said he was framed.
48- When the sheep ate some bad hay, what did she say? Ewe.
49- How did the pillow avoid jail time? He had a strong case.
50- What happened when the foot lost the race? Defeat.
51- What did the coat say to vest when they were stealing a necklace? Jacket.
52- What is a fence’s favorite band? Linkin Park.
53- How did the chickens get in a fight? They egged each other on.
54- Where does the snowman put his money? The snowbank.
55- What did the dock say to the other dock? I’m board.
56- What would a wolf get arrested for? Mooning.
57- I farted in an Apple store today and everyone yelled at me. It’s not my fault they
don’t have Windows.
58- eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
59- My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
60- I was always told to reach high in life. This why I keep the cocaine on the top
shelf…
61- Can’t believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in.
62- I got into a fight with my boner this morning. Don’t worry, I beat it single handedly
63- Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was
bread in captivity.
64- My bank balance is like a midget in a marathon. It’s running a little short.
65- I don’t know if my ceiling is THE best ceiling, but it’s definitely up there.

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