Money Puns

What does one penny say to the other penny? Let’s get together and make some cents.

What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?  a $100 bill!

What is Barack Obama’s new slogan in these tough times?  Spare Change You Can Believe In! If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?

What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs?  A penny.

When does it rain money?  When there is “change” in the weather.

Two coins add up to 30 cents, and one is not a nickel. What are they?  A quarter and a nickel. The quarter isn’t a nickel.

Why don’t cows have any money?  Because farmers milk them dry.

Son: “Mom can I get twenty bucks” Mom: Does it look like I am made of money Son: “Well isn’t that what M.O.M stands for?”

Why did the man think he saw a ghost on Halloween?  A kid dressed up as a 401 (K)

Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?  Because it had more cents.

What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on the top of their head?  All you can eat, under a buck.

What did the midget say when I asked him for a dollar?  “Sorry, I’m a little short”

What book do women like the most?  “Their husbands checkbook!”

Why is there no gold at the end of the rainbow?  The Leprechan took it and sold it to Cash4Gold!

Why are guys calling information in Bangkok?  To save money on phone sex!

What happens when you give 61 dollars to a blonde?  She wants 8 (ate) more.

How much money does a skunk have?  One scent!

What did the cat say when he lost all his money?  I’m paw!

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.

If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.

There are two rules for success: 1) Don’t tell all you know.

If time is money are ATM’s time machines?

My wife had me take out more life insurance and now there’s no grip left on the bath mat. Weird.

Ladies dating a short guy is fun until you can’t find him at the club and you don’t have taxi money to go home.

The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*

You can’t be broke if you don’t check your bank account.

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money id just laugh and search with them

me without money: money is the root of all evil. the things u own end up owning u. me with money: ya can I get 20 mcchickens

 

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