Christmas Puns

How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels.

Whatt do workers at Sports Direct get for Christmas dinner? About 5 minutes.

How do you recognise a Christmas tree from BHS? All the branches have gone.

I bought my mum Mary Berry’s cookbook for Christmas, I tried to get Paul Hollywood’s but he’d sold out.

What’s David Cameron’s favourite Christmas song? All I Want For Christmas is EU.

Why has Hillary Clinton asked Santa for a 23-letter alphabet? Because she is sick of F.B.I.

Why didn’t Roy Hodgson go to visit Santa at The North Pole? He couldn’t get past Iceland.

Why are Jeremy Corbyn’s Christmas cards on the floor? His cabinet collapsed.

Philip looks out of the window on Christmas Eve: ‘That’s some reindeer’ he says. The Queen replies: ’63 years. Yes, that is a lot.’

What’s the difference between the clementine in your Christmas stocking and Donald Trump? Nothing, they’re both a little orange.

What do you get if you cross Donald Trump with a Christmas Carol? O Comb Over Ye Faithful.

What’s the best advice you can give at the UKIP Christmas party? Avoid the punch.

Why did the three wise men only have frankincense and myrrh? Because Team GB took all the gold.

Which parent is likely to do the Christmas shop at Tesco this year? Dad might, Marmite not.

Why can’t the England football team play Yahtzee this Christmas? Because they got rid of Allardyce.

Why doesn’t Santa have any children ? Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it’s down the chimney.

What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? Sandy Claws!

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

What does One Direction and my Christmas tree have in common? They both have ornamental balls.

What does one ho plus two ho make? Answer, a jolly Santa.

Who doesn’t eat on Christmas? A turkey because it is always stuffed.

Why did Santa send his daughter to college? To keep her off the North Pole.

How do you know Arnold Schwarzenegger is waiting in line with you on Black Friday? He Jingles All The Way.

What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate clauses.

Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? Because he thought his wife was a flake.

Which Limp Bizkit song do elves listen to while building toys? He did it all for the cookies!

What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? RUDEolph.

Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.

Why can’t the Christmas tree stand up? It doesn’t have legs.

What did Adam say to his wife on Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!

What is for lunch on Christmas Day for snowmen?…Icebergers!

How do snowmen travel around?…By icicle!

How does one snowman greet another snowman?….Ice to meet you.

 

The post Christmas Puns appeared first on Puns Ville.



from Puns Ville http://ift.tt/2peTI52

Commentaires

Enregistrer un commentaire

Posts les plus consultés de ce blog

Piano Puns

Image
Do you look for some musical puns? Here is the best collection of piano puns . Why did the two pianists have a good marriage. Because they were always in a chord. Old pianists never die, they just adagio away. To climb to the top of a tall piano, you must scale it. Piano is not my forte. Don’t date a piano technician, he will just string you along. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor. What do you call a man with no arms or legs, playing the piano? Clever Dick. Pianist: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so. What do you call an ant who cant play the piano? Discordant Where do the pianists go for vacation? Florida Keys What do you call a laughing piano? A Yama-hahahahaha. What has many keys but unlocks no doors? A Piano. What key is “Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight” written in? C sharp or B flat. What do you call a snowman that plays the piano? Melton John Did you see the sign outside the piano studio? “Gone Chopin....
Lire la suite

Cow Puns

Image
From animal puns, we bring for you this funniest bundle of cow puns How does a cow get to the mooooon? It flies through udder space! What happens when you talk to a cow? It goes in one ear and out the udder! What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? Laughing stock. What is a cows favorite colour? Maroooooooon. Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer What do you get when you cross an elephant with a dairy cow? Peanut butter. What do u call a really strong cow? Beefy. What do you get when you walk under a cow? A pat on the head. How does lady gaga like her steak? Raw raw raw raw raw. Why did the cow cross the road? Cause it didnt want Lady Gaga to make a meat dress out of him. What are a cows favorite subjects in school? Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers! What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Udder-C...
Lire la suite

Meat Puns

If puns were meats, this one would be the wurst A sign in the window reads CURED MEATS. Inside, a salami takes his first steps since the accident. A prosciutto learns to forgive. I’m bacon you…please! No more meat puns! OP’s puns meat our expectations today. Not the usual low quality spam. Which of the following doesn’t belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob? The blowjob. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can’t beat a blowjob. If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t` eat meat. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. How many meat eaters does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they would rather stay in the dark about things. What do you call a vegetarian who goes back to eating meat? Someone who lost their veg-inity! Meat-eater: Did you hear about the new study saying vegans are more likely to go blind? I guess it’s because you don’t get the proper nutrition. Are you spaghetti cause I want you to...
Lire la suite